Yeah so,
On the bus ride home from work I was attacked by the Honorable Elijah Jerome Broke Ass Mohammed. I was minding my business, reading the paper and of course he just had to try and engage me in some conversation. The bus was crowded; I didn’t have much choice but to entertain his presence. I’ll try to make a long story short, but this fool was completely out of pocket. He was talking extra loud like the bus was his pulpit and he was the divine “Minister of Truth“. He looked like he had lived a hard life and he had a large scar coming down his left cheek. Someone had given him a “buck 50”.

HEJBAM: We have waited 400 years for our rightful place. And when that day comes I may just decide to make them sit at the back of the bus. I might hang them from a few trees. They will bow to me. Money is the White mans gain. Knowledge is the quest for the Black man. Unfortunately, they have the power because they have stolen what is rightfully ours. . . . They try to pass themselves off as Jews, but they are not Jews. They are gypsies, mongrels passing themselves off as the chosen people. The real Jews are in Palestine. They have moved all of the real Jews out of the holy land. I am from the earth and the earth is made of dirt. I have yet to see white dirt.

This one man rally went on for the entire trip home. And for a moment, the Honorable Elijah Jerome Broke Ass Mohammed commenced to break out in “tongues” or perhaps an Arabic language. Hell, I don’t know. He was loud, obnoxious and annoying as hell. Some of the of things he said I agreed with ( None of which is referenced above). It was obvious that he had taken his smidgen of knowledge and was attempting to wield it as a shield of the almighty truth. In all of his ignorant self righteousness, he was twisting the word to his advantage. I tried to ignore him. I tried to block him out.

HEJBAM: *Directing his attention towards me* Excuse me sista. What you are reading is a pack of lies. What you should be reading is this, *Busting out the latest edition of the “Final Call ” *

Unidentified Man On The Bus: Leave that beautiful woman alone, man.

HEJBAM: She is pretty, but not beautiful.

Angelique: *Thinking to myself, “Oh no he didn’t ? “ * I turned to face him. I looked him directly in the eyes and said - You know what? Did I ask to encounter you? Do you know me? I’m over here minding my own business. What you need to do is mind yours.

HEJBAM: How can you be minding your business on the bus? We are in public. I’m just trying to make conversation.

Angelique: I’m not trying to have a conversation with you. I’m over here, minding my business. *Re-opening the paper*

I’m not going to front though, I couldn’t read much else after that. It is difficult to not want to speak out when I hear some foolishness. I am constantly working on remaining calm and neutral in situations such as the one I’m describing. It was clear that this man wanted some attention. If was also painfully clear that he was attracted to me. Not to sound conceited, but hey. *shrugs shoulders - shakes head*

HEJBAM: I’m sorry, I apologize if I’ve offended anyone on this bus.

HEJBAM: You have pretty smile.

Angelique *Thinking: When in the hell has he seen me smile?* - Silence. No Response.

HEJBAM: You have pretty hair. Tell me sister, what is your ethnic background?

Angelique I’m American. *Laughing to myself *

HEJBAM: Oh, so you celebrate Christmas and Easter, huh? I bet you run around the yard hiding Easter eggs and shit. You eat pork. You are lost. You have no sense of self. I’ve noticed your nose is kind of on the pointy side. It is designed not to take in much, like a European. You like my style don’t you? You want me to slap that ass . You are chewing gum. Did you know the bible says you are not supposed to chew gum?

Maybe I should have been offended or awkward. But to me this was straight comedy. I couldn’t help but to laugh a this cornball, so eager to pass judgment like he knows me. I was almost home so I decided to go out with a bang. I wasn’t really in the mood for this bullshit.

Angelique Didn’t I ask you stop talking to me? Do you really need my attention that badly? Does my presence make your day? You don’t know me and you are passing judgment on me. Stop forcing your bogus conversation on me. I don’t like you. Please stop talking to me. If you really had knowledge of self, you wouldn’t approach me on this level.

Then just for the sake of pure, unadulterated nonsense, I went Erykah Badu on him - I said “ The man that knows something , knows that he knows nothing at all. Does it seem colder in your summertime and hotter in your fall ? “

Much to my delight he looked puzzled. I reached in my purse a whipped out a fresh can of Pepper Spray. I’ve been secretly looking for a reason to test it out, but then again, really hoped I’d never have to.

Angelique Now, please shut the hell up talking to me or I will have no choice but to gas you.

HEJBAM: What? I dare you! *Looking out of the window and noticing an important factor * Oh shit! That was my my stop! *Ringing the bell* Bus driver, let me off here!

Bus Driver This isn’t a stop you’ll have to wait.

Angelique *Still gripping my can of mace.* See, *laughing my ass off* that’s what you get. Now, you missed your stop. Ha ha! Get your “Rooty Poot” - can’t afford a bean pie ass - off of this bus before I fry your eyeballs! Ha ha!

Surprisingly, he laughed too!

The doors whooshed open and he hit the snow.

I came home from work and cranked the snow blower up to 6. I damn near threw my back out of alignment, messing around with that death trap. But hey, it beats shoveling the snow. And honestly, I felt sort of empowered by the whole experience. Who the hell needs a husband? I’ve got mace and a snow-blower. Life is good. Plus, I was looking cute, like a snuggly little snow -blowing, bunny. Did snow fly all up in my face? Um, maybe once. Did I smell like gasoline afterwards? Yup. But, does my sidewalk look so fresh and so clean? You know it! Temporarily. There is more snow to come.

Sorry I couldn’t make it a long story short.

America,

It’s colder than a chics nipple in a brass bra! Brrr! *pulling hat down over ears, rubbing mittens together* I’m talkin’ about the type of shyt that provokes tears to stream down your face. I’m speaking on a wind chill soooo fierce, that you have to walk down the street backwards, just to avoid your face from freezing over and cracking into a million pieces. Straight up, it feels like Old Man Winter is standing in dead in my grill, blowing his frosty breath all over me. Shhhhhyt, please believe Angelique is high-steppin’ from one place to the next these days. A trip to the corner store feels like a mile.

America,

I’m telling ya, the winter months are like sloooow torture for me. And for those of you, who haven’t experienced the wrath of the artic blast, please believe it takes a special individual to muster up the gusto to deal with is day in and day out.

Did I tell you it’s cold outside? Yeah, it’s like ICE COLD and it has nothing to do with Andre 3000. . . Straight up brutal. The “Hawk” is out! (Not sure what that means, but that’s what they say round herre) Earlier, when I was running for shelter, I was thinking what is must feel like for a person from a much warmer climate - um, let’s say Africa for example - to step off of an airplane, into a winter wonderland like Minnesota? I’m almost sure a mo’fo must instantly slip into a deep depression.

I hate winter. The skies are gloomy. The days are short. I don’t like dressing in layers. There is something that takes all of the cool out of you when you when fall and bust your rump on the ice. Not that it’s ever happend to me . . .

I know some of ya’ll can relate. I also know a few of ya’ll are reading this post, posted up in shorts, T-shirt and flip flops, with a Berry Blue slurpee in hand, laughing at me. I guess I can’t be mad. It’s not your fault I’m regionally challenged. But um, when that next earth-quake is off da scale or your crib has been washed away by “hurricane so and so”, don’t come crying to me. It will most likely be spring by then and I won’t be thinking about you . . .

Right about now, I see visions of sandy beaches. I see palm trees swaying in the wind. I can almost taste, ripe island fruit. I can feel a sexy stud rubbing my back down with oil. I picture myself indulging in the sun with out any interruptions. Ah yes, that sounds so lovely. But unfortunately, it won’t be taking place anytime soon.

“Chilly Willy” - I love that dude. Woody Woodpecker too:)

Tomorrow. is Friday, moving into a 3 day weekend - Happy about it .
Shopping all through the stores, looking for SALES - Bout it bout it!
Taking my azz to fitness classes - PUMPED about it!
My so called life - have to laugh about it.
Waiting for the weather to ‘break’ - Impatient about it.
4 Year anniversary coming up on the JOB - Mixed feelings about it.
PMS - I’d rather be without it.
My Feet require TLC - Need to do something about it.
Bla Bru stopped journaling - Bummed out about it . . .
I thought I owed the government a bunch of unpaid taxes, but I don’t - I feel relieved about it!
Don’t speak about it - Be about it!
All the bullshyt - Please re-route it.
Hot Sex On A Platter - I’ve been thinking about it.
saucydame.com- Everybody shout it!

New stuff in “Random Mumbo Jumbo” to your left <<<