Mos Def: Damn, is that Angelique over there looking fine as frogs hair?

Kermit: Fine as frogs hair?

Mos Def: Yo, “Lique” is looking swell these days. Kerm, I gotta get that! I can just picture us in a big tub full of bubbles and getting it right. I like em’ tall and sexy. *licks lips*

Ms. Piggy: *mumbles under breath* Oh please, she’s cute, but not as cute as me. Biatch . . .

Ms. Piggy: *waves to Angelique with extra enthusiasm
* Hey Girl! It’s me, Ms. Piggy! You look great tonight! I love your hair! Let’s do lunch. Call me! *fake smile* .

Ms. Piggy: *elbow to the ribs* Kermie, I know you and her have something going on. When I find out for sure, I’m going to smack fire from your lil frail ass. I saw the way she looked at you.

- - - -

Updates are one the way. The next topic of dicussion: Women and Our Insecurities. Can’t We All Just Get Along? - Or something like that.

America,

It’s Saturday morning at Angeliques’ house and I have several things to do today. But first I thought I’d hit you off with a mid - morning edition of the Life and Times of the Sauciest Dame. I must warn you, I woke up on the fun lovin’ - tad bit ignorant - aint no telling what will fly out of my fingers and unto the keyboard side of the bed. So, whatever is whatever.

Now, let’s get on with the get on and rewind back to Thursday night, okay? Great! Thursday night I was cold chillin’ in the place to be. I was choppin’ it up with my girls, sippin’ on some Zinfandel and getting my boogie on. As usual, after a few glasses of wine, my weak ass bladder told me I’d best make way for the ladies room, as not to take a drunken piss on myself.

Upon entering the bathroom, I was accosted by an ill visual on a young woman, laid out on the bathroom floor. She was lying there motionless as several other women around her looked on, in horror, while trying to figure out what should be done to help her . Of course, 911 was called. I’m not exactly sure what the final diagnosis was, but it was said that she had a seizure. None of her friends were to be found.

Now, in the process of all of this commotion and concern, something kept distracting my attention. And I swear, I kept trying to focus on the bigger picture, but my eyeballs had a mind of there own. The chic that was knocked out had on a very short skirt. Apparently, she decided that she was not going to be wearing panties for the evening. Girlfriends “goodies” were shaved balled as an Eagle. Her clitoris was adorned with an interesting looking piercing. I can’t give you any additional details on the piercing itself, as I really was trying not to get to involved in her private , but it looked kinda scary.

Yep, Homegirl is a free spirit, there’s nothing wrong with that. Two Three things came to mind every time I inadvertently peeped her cooch.

1./ What kind of freaky plans did she have, prior to this incident?

2./ If I were her, I’d never show my face at this venue again. (I’m popular and the news would spread like wildfire all over this lil funky city that Angelique don’t rock no drawals under her mini skirts). That would cause a stir round this here neck of the woods, in more ways than one.

3./ That’s why granny always said make sure you have on clean underwear in case on an emergency.

I mean, it’s really not that, big of a deal. But personally, I would be mortified. The paramedics came and carried her away. I’m sure she will be okay.

End story.

You know your are COUNTRY when :
You have to remove your fake, 2 dollar, airbrushed fingernails, in order to clean them chitterlings for Sunday dinner. Don’t trip, she’ll put a foot so deep up - off - in a dish, that you may spit out a toenail afterwards. A fake one! Yes, I LOVE her cooking, but, I can’t get with them there swine intestines. I don’t care what you soak them in and how many hours it took you to clean em’. Shyt, never that. Picture me as Dawn Penn singin’ - No, No, No.

In response to an email that I sent someone - I was told that they are new to my brand of “Online Pimpin”.
I had to laugh.

For real? Am I Dolemite in Drag? Am I the long, lost, daughter of Iceberg Slim ? If so, then where’s my Bitches? I really wanna know. Winter is approaching and I’m trying feel mink. Hell, I needs to put some new leopard skin, seat covers on my 1973 Eldorado. Chose up on a Real One , if you dare. . . I can give you the sun, the moon and the stars if you let me. But you’ve got to be dedicated. Understand? Players are made, Pimps are born. Tricks are endless. Time is money, money is time.

I’m from Minnesota, bitches. I know you’ve heard of the “Minneapolis Connection”. As a youngin’ I soaked up all of my game from Morris Day . Now, I want to see some asses wigglin’ and some happy faces. This site aint for everybody - just the sexy people. Now twirk something for me while I go set up this “Pay Pal” account. Damn, I’m about to walk a hole in my Stacy Adams. What time is it?