Trapped In A Theater

THE SCENERIO :

Friday night.
My younger sister & I.
Several glasses of cheap White Zinfandel.
A few generous ‘puffs’.
Posted up in the Penumbra Theatre.
Highly anticipating the performance of “Grandchildren of the Buffalo Soldiers”
Front row seats.
Center aisle.
*SOLD OUT*
My senses are on alert to the 10th power.
I peep how EXTREMELY close we are to the action.
So CLOSE, that If I wanted to, I could’ve propped my foot up on the stage.
So CLOSE, that I could’ve been an ‘extra’ in the play.
So CLOSE, that I started to feel a bit awkward.
So CLOSE, that I just had to mention it to my sister.
So CLOSE, that we both started to make ‘funnies’ about our potential dilemma.
Um, maybe front row seats weren’t such a good idea, after all . . .

Stage lights blared in our faces.
Bright White, Red, Blue & Pink.
The curtain opened.
The music cued.
The lights dimmed.
Enter stage left.
The main character took his position front and center.
Hella dramatic.
Florida Evans, Damn, Damn, Damn! Dramatic.
I looked at my sister.
She looked at me.
That’s when I felt it.
Slowing creeping from the “rooter” to the ” tooter”.
A serious case of the “giggles”.
Oh Lord, please not now. Not during the play. . .
I couldn’t help it.
My body shook uncontrollably as I doubled over and silently chuckled.
Tears streamed down my cheeks.
I didn’t dare look at my sister.
But, I could feel her body trembling too.
I closed my eyes for 20 minutes.
Consumed with the fear that if I uttered a sound, I would disrupt the play and be bannished the from Penumbra Theatre for life.
For a few seconds I almost stopped breathing.
I couldn’t go to the bathroom.
I couldn’t escape.
I was trapped in the theatre.
Thank God I’ve ‘baby’ mastered the ability to focus.
Thank God for intermissions.
I will never, ever get seats that friggin’ close, again.
Unless perhaps it’s a musical comedy.

*Exhale*