SAUCY SNIPPETS

Saucy Dame Dizzle & Baby “G”
Okay, so what you know about visiting a persons home for the first time, and in the middle of your conversation they announce they “forgot to tell you, there’s an alligator in the house . . . and it’s on the loose” ? Yes people, why come a girlfriend of mine invited me over to some random individuals home and he had a baby alligator posted up in the corner, hiding behind a 10 Speed bicycle. It was the size of a large cat. How can something like that be forgotten?

This is WRONG on so many levels.

I started to take a photo of the little gator (it was actually kinda cute), but I didn’t want to startle the creature and have it come charging in my direction.

I LOVE animals. I am not afraid of spiders or reptiles. I’ve petted snakes, lizards, rats and tarantulas, but I am scurred of BATS ! As a child I dreamed of becoming a veterinarian, but quickly learned I’m not built for all of the science classes a Vets License requires.

What the hell is he going to do when this animal becomes full grown? What the hell is a southern dwelling reptile doing on this side of the Mississippi? And how the hell did he acquire a baby alligator, anyway? ALL AROUND, ILLEGAL ACTIVITY! This scenario reminds me of him. Craziness!

Anyhoo, I think it’s terrible, terrible, terrible to take an animal out of their natural environment. Homeboy is not equipped to raise an EXOTIC animal that lives on land and in WATER (wasn’t a drop of water to be found). I almost want to call animal protection, but I’m not one for ‘Hood Snitchin’ - so I guess it’s in Gods hands.

I useta think animal hoarding was reserved for ‘kooky ass white folks’, but I’m learning I was oh so wrong. So, if you live on the Northside of Minneapolis around Lowry Ave. . . and you feel like something is eyeballing you from the bushes - take heed. I’d also advise you not to go swimming anytime soon (especially at Theodore Wirth Park). You might get more than just a few sun fish nibbling at your toes. That there gator is too big to flush down the toilet. LOL! Attention Burgulars: Be careful whose house you chose to rob. Those gator shoes you covet may be your downfall.

THIS IS NOT an attempt to start an Urban Legend - REAL TALK 100%

On another note: The Devil Wears Prada.

Big Ups To Augies Caberet . . .Again
I’ll tell you this much - I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: I have way too much fun at Augies Caberet; a skrip club, where them skrippers be at. It aint fancy and it aint classy . . . but it’s REAL. Honestly, I get treated with more respect at Augies than I do at some of the so-called swankier establishments in the city. I never pay for drinks, and sometimes the ‘Ballers’ get so crunked and excited - they throw money in the air (I snatched up a whole $30.00 in ’singles’ this weekend).

The staff is friendly and knows how to pour a drank. Every rip, it’s PURE COMEDY that you can’t pay for - you just have to be there. I spent 2 hrs doubled over in gut-busting laughter the other nite, just listening to two fellas poking fun at the “entertainment”. If you’re hungry you can order pizza and chicken from the Greek/ Arabs, next door.

The music is ALWAYS bumpin’. What’s up KUTTIN’ KAL?

It’s great place to do business too. I was recently offered the opportunity to get financially compensated for helping ‘dancers’ build their portfolios (photographs). Please believe I have no problems airbrushing stretch marks and bullet wounds for a few dollars. I also met a brother who claims to have one of the largest pimp cup, eyewear & walking cane collections in the United States. LOL! If his claims are valid, you’ll be getting a glimpse of his collection soon via SNAP-O-RAMA.