It’s All About Me:10 Things You May Not Know

1. I love, love, love to travel. It has been my dream since forever to travel the globe. I especially want to visit Greece, Italy and Thailand. I am still a youngin’ so my dream is still very much a possibility. I want to see the world . . . before it splits wide open and crumbles.

2. In 2001 I made my debut television appearance on “Judge Judy” . A girlfriend of mine was suing her ex-boyfriend for money he owed her. I was a cute & mute witness. I didn’t say a word during the entire taping. I was only along for the free ride. I swirled and twirled all up and through Hollywood for a whole 1.5 days (I swear I packed at least 48 hours worth of activity into this time slot). She won the case and Judge Judy was actually pretty cool. It was a hoot!

3. Back in the 90’s, I once spent the night in a county jail holding cell. It was not a fun time. Not only did I have to pee in front of 7 other offenders (prostitutes, drug addicts, petty thieves, chicken-heads) – as there was only one toilet in open view; I also had to use a roll of toilet paper as a pillow to rest my beautiful head. In a nutshell: My life of crime is over. Damn wasting my precious days and nites in the slammer. There is nothing glamorous about watching a crack-head fish your unwanted bologna sandwich and apple out of the trash - all while twitching, scratching and talking to herself. She had at least 5 years worth of grime on her exposed bra-strap, alone. I don’t make for a good criminal. Lesson learned.

4. In high school I got hit in the eye with an apple. I just happened to unsuspectingly walk into the midst of a food fight and BAAAAM ! - the apple hit me so hard there was applesauce on my face. Needless to say I was pissed and embarrassed too (you know how teenagers are)! The culprit quickly went into hiding. I challenged whoever threw the apple to show their face so we could “get it on”, Muhammad Ali style. The whole school was buzzing about it. A few months later I found out who the offender was - one of the biggest guys (physically) in the whole school. Wasn’t nobody trying to give this dude any static. If they did, they were shootin’ to kill, not fighting to win. He apologized and told me that he knew I would really try to to get my dukes up with him if I had a chance, because I was so angry at the time. He said he didn’t want to have to ‘mush’ me down to the ground in front of everyone and make the scene worse than it already was. We laughed. The following spring we went to Senior Prom together.

5. Some of the most memorable keynote speakers I have had the honor of being in the presence of are Maya Angelou, Coretta Scott King, Tavis Smiley and Jane Elliot (She is HELLA funny). I can’t describe the sense of empowerment I felt after leaving with their words tucked in my heart and mind. I think I’m about due for some more of that.

6. As I grow older & wiser, I plan to be much in the style of “telling like it is”, as the beloved, pull no punches, bite no tounges, Fruit Cake Lady. I plan to wear a lot of purple. Oh, and some outlandish looking church hats too. . . I’mma be a wild, eccentric, old woman with over the top pantyhose and peppermints in my purse. I’m already half way there . . . it only gets better. Gee, now that I think about it, maybe that’s why I’m still single.

7. I have yet to have a day job that I actually enjoy. This is sad but true. SOMEBODY HIRE ME !

8. I have never seen a full viewing of the Exorcist. I am terrified of this movie. As a child I caught an unauthorized glimpse of it on televison (I snuck into the living room after my Mom put me to bed). I must have peeked around the corner about the same time Linda Blair was spewing vomit and speaking in ancient demonic languages. This must have blown my 7 year old mind to the 10th power, because I couldn’t sleep that night. And for years afterwards I was always looking for demons out the corner of my eye. I’m still shook. *shudders*

9. My first encounter with drunkenness was me & a bottle of Orange Jubilee. And I must say that I felt very jubilant when I drank it. *LOL* But now that I am a connoisseur of top shelf wines and spirits, I can’t believe I actually drank that gut-rot, mess. Orange flavored ripple. Yuk!

10. I have never eaten or tasted chitterlings and I never will. I will not prepare or cook them either. I don’t understand why anyone else living in the modern world would want to, either. Nuff said.