The Re-Virginization of the Saucy Dame Dizzle…Kinda, Sorta.
Posted by Saucy Dame Dizzle on
February 21, 2008
Your background it ain’t squeaky clean/ Shit /Sometimes we all got to swim upstream. / You ain’t no saint, we all are sinners/ But you put your good foot down and make your soul a winner… - Jill Scott, “A Long Walk”
*Image of Saucy Dame Delux by Saucy Dame Delux
cel•i•ba•cy [sel-uh-buh-see]
1. Abstention from sexual relations.
2. A conscious act of self love practiced by Angelique of SAUCYDAMEDELUX.COM
Naw, your vision aint blurry. You’ve read the above definition correctly. The homegirl Angelique has been on hiatus in more ways than one. Aint been no penis power in a sisters life for 2 years, 1 week, a day and several hours…
Meaning:
No “Baby it’s cold outside.” penis.
No frisky spring time lovin’ penis.
No hot and sticky summer penis.
No back to school penis.
No birthday celebration penis.
No “Beat it up before I go to work.” penis.
No “Afternoon Delight” penis.
No “I had a bad day at work.” penis.
No “I’m pms’in and horny as hell” penis.
No drunken “after the after-party” penis.
No “break-up to make-up” penis.
No keep it on the “low-low” penis.
No “I’m on vacation” penis.
No “I’m looking too damn sexy NOT to be getting some penis”, penis.
No penis. No penis. No sex… No nothing…
Now, some of you are feeling mighty sorry for me, wondering how I could possibly live a fulfilling life without the comfort of a mans embrace… dick. Some of you are wondering why I feel it’s necessary to broadcast all of my personal business on the internet. And some of ya’ll are simply thinking “Who really gives a fuck?”
Well, to you I say…
1. Please don’t weep for me. My celibate lifestyle is by choice. If I desire, I could easily be twisted up in a pretzel, having some fantabulous, mind-blowing sex… everyday of the week. Trust. Some of ya’ll reading this (peep-freaking my blog like you don’t visit it when you dooooo), know I speaks the truth! *wink*
Speaking of truths…
2. I aint never scared to share the truth and tell it like it is. I’m going to keep it flowing this way until the casket drops. Especially if I feel that the information I am sharing can benefit the next person (particularly my women folk).
3. If you don’t give a good googly-moogly about this topic, than *bang* out! You may want to make way for the next gossip/music blog or whatever… Why the hell are you still posted up at SAUCYDAMEDELUX.COM ??? Go on now…scadaddle (please refer to item #2).
Still here?
With that being said:
My sexual memoirs serve as a reminder of why I’ve made the decision to X out relations until I’m really, really ready…
I believe all sorts of people, good and bad will come in and out of our lives, but our state of mind and emotional health will determine to whom we will be attracted and pay attention. Who we chose to lay down with is a mirror to ourselves.
I wasn’t pleased what I saw in my mirror. I’m not ashamed to admit that. As with any aspect of my life, I am always seeking improvement. Facing harsh realities and gulping down the ugly truth is a part of the process. I’m all about doing the work, even if it hurts. I am mindful to take self inventory, examine the data and use the results to form a plan of elevation.
This is my life and nobody can live it for me.
February 12th, 2006 was the last time I was physically involved with another person. It certainly wasn’t a one night stand. I’ve known him for many, many years. To this very day we speak and respect each other as “homey/lover/friends” (by a loose term of the meaning). But regardless of our history and mutual respect, it was always very clear that we were just “doing the do”…that’s it. Wasn’t any relationship in the works, no wedding bells… no true intimacy… none of that…
Truth is, even if we had tried to connect on a deeper level, it wouldn’t have worked. Our commonality was solely based on being stars of the “freak show”. That is the way we played our game and it is my also point…
Play time is all fine and dandy. I love to play just as much as the next person. I have no wish for a man to throw rose petals at my feet and read me love sonnets every waking moment. I don’t need somebody to be all up in my space confessing his undying love and devotion with each breath he takes. That would be overkill. But I also understand that I am a woman deserving more than an award for being somebody’s “Good Time Girl”.
It’s all about balance. It’s all about actions speaking louder than words.
February 13th, 2006 I made up my mind to close up shop until I meet someone who likes to play anddddd loves me from A-Z. Two years and running says I’m still serious about it. I got my thinking cap on straight like ‘that’. Naw, mean? I will no longer enter into a cycle of empty sex and bubble gum. Shit is played out, yo.
My soul seeks beauty, love, spiritually and purpose. Casual sex adds little substance to my souls progression.
My experience with celibacy and my sexual autobiography is much too complex to cram into a single blog post. But I do offer the following statements to back up where I am coming from…
As I’ve said many times, I have no problem with my single status.
I do not see celibacy as a means to an end of getting married. As a matter of fact, at this time, plans of marriage are far removed from my life goals. Bartering my sexuality for a diamond ring is so not my intention. Also, I do believe “trying the shoes on” before buying a pair. Know what I mean? *wink*
I am not sexually repressed. Nor am I dried up and bitter. I indulge all five of my senses on the regular. I feel sexier now than I ever have. I still flirt. I sleep on sheets soft and silky to the touch. I wear sexy under garments. I burn incense. I light candles and soak in hot bubble baths. I indulge in good food. I enjoy the beauty of nature. I give hugs. I laugh. I live my life as I always have, minus some dude trying to run-up-in-me , play mind games or is emotionally unavailable.
Diseases…ya’ll can keep that. I’m not trying to be hooked up to nobodys I.V., with my family and friends gathered around my hospital bed…cuz “Mr. No Good, but So Good” had the bomb dick with a nasty strain of H.I.V attached to it.
I love men. There are good men to be met, loved and held on to. I happen to know a few…LOL!
Celibacy has allowed me to heal from past mistakes. My mind is clear and I know exactly what I want. Which each passing day, I am more and more selective about who will be the person I will share my goodies with. I still get horny. I still lust for men. I DO plan on having sex again. Lot’s of it. But only under the right circumstances. I’ll be damned if I throw my pearls before swine on a humbug. After two plus years? I-don’t-think-so.
Lastly, I am not judging anyone who is getting some good sex on the regular. Whatever your circumstances are, are YOUR circumstances. We are grown folks with the liberty to live our lives and the to get broken off real proper like.
BUT, if you find yourself in situations that leave you empty, hurt, distressed and lowly… you may want to take a break up off of the relations, do your math and come back into the arena with a fresh state of mind. That includes ya’ll men out there…
There is sooo much work to be done. What are you waiting for?
Word to Alexiss K Tylor.
Keepin’ my legs closed for now,
Saucy Dame Dizzle -
25 Responses to “The Re-Virginization of the Saucy Dame Dizzle…Kinda, Sorta.”
haven’t read anything from you in thirty moons…refreshing, and i like the above!
By t.r.b on Feb 21, 2008
You are SO right on with your bit about attracting those in your same mind/emotional state…..I have been with some straight up LOSERS but I, myself, at the time was diggin in the damn dirt as well.
Gotta do the work for it to show! You’re sure to get a nice, bold penis in the end!! I think you are such an entertaining writer and I look forward to your new postings….and I can’t wait to get my “Im on vacation” penis;)
haha
By B$ on Feb 21, 2008
Your a brave chick for putting it out there like this…
I have been having some empty sex lately, and was celibate for about a month (maybe three weeks), then I got way drunk… and you know how that ended.
But after two years, you better wait for the right person, and when you get it again… I hope it’s so good your ears ring for days afterward.
How do potential dates react when you tell them you aren’t into the horizontal shuffle? Is it a deal breaker? Do you let them have sex with other people? I need some details…
By Rocka on Feb 21, 2008
Water seeks its own level, so while growing yourself, loving yourself and sacrificing, you will or have attract(ed) someone who will appreciate all the effort you have put into YOU and will cherish you just as much as you cherish yourself.
By laviyah on Feb 21, 2008
thank you for this.
you have mail.
By Jo on Feb 21, 2008
This gives me something to think about very seriously. I appreciate your honesty as well. Great testimony, but just like the other comment said… Give me the scoop on the men’s reactions.
By Imperial Angelique on Feb 21, 2008
Hey baby, I say do you whatever the case is. If you are happy, then so be it, ya know. Ya boy got luv for ya allday, err..day!! Peace!
By Tracy W on Feb 21, 2008
Thank you for your insight. I have been there, done all that. And I am quoting you…”Who we chose to lay down with is a mirror to ourselves.” -SaucyDameDelux. So many people need to be asking themselves that very question… Most people are better than sleeping around with some sleezy people. Point blank. I prefer to enjoy, love and cherish what I see in the mirror. You are inspiring me to write…
Peace and Inspiration,
B
By B FRESH on Feb 21, 2008
You are so fine. Aged like Chianti, brazen like the Inside woMan you are. Spiritually grounded with an over the top attitude of sheer bliss. The more I read you, the more I love who you are and where she leads you. The dame may walk the line. But, Angelique is always close at heart, in mind, about soul, a lifeforce-body. A 120 degree cubism of depth, intelligence and sauciness. Queen is easy to say out of respect. But, I reference you more so because you embody it’s notions. “You rain all year round from June to June. You represent from Midnight to high noon.” You are supported no matter the astral plane, with love in aboundance.
1L,
E
By The Fifth Letter [E] on Feb 21, 2008
ANTIB.A.N. is my motto, my movement and my way of life. It stands for anti bitch ass niggaz! (In the most positive way:) So I FEEL you!!
You go girl!
By ANTIB.A.N. on Feb 22, 2008
Hey there Ms. Angelique…
I just wanted to say Thank You for that AWESOME, HEARTFELT, TRUE, post. Ever since I left my ex over 4yrs ago sex has been nothing but complete emptiness . I’ve considered not having sex until the right person comes along a lot of times but just never really thought long and hard about it. Until now…this right here did it:
Again, thank you. I mark my calendar as I type. Today begins the reinvention of ME.
By Jo on Feb 22, 2008
WOW! I am in awe…I have went thru my share of the celibacy moments for 6 months, then a year, then 9 months, but it was never for cleansing. You have made me think about a great deal of things!
I respect your decision and I stand by it totally! It’s time for me to pray and do some reevaluating myself. “Once you put your got foot down and make your soul a winner!”
Great way to open the doors in the 2008!!
By O'neka on Feb 22, 2008
Recover your flower!
By ahmad on Feb 22, 2008
Fabulous . I embarked on a celibate journey , for at least 5 to 6 years , it was wonderful ! A time to do me , and find balance within my soul. I am married to a man I knew for a long time , we had been friends first , possibly 10 years ago I would have said something like this is not possible , but it is !!!!
You are right Saucy , a lot of us jump wholeheartedly into empty situations mistaking them for intimacy , when in reality they are just wading in shallow water !!
By byrdparker on Feb 22, 2008
So true, so true. I used to take 3 to 6 to 9 month breaks after ending long relationships and it does work. It allows you to heal, clear your head and really get to know new people you meet. It’s amazing how much emphasis we put on sex. I found that many times I was having bad sex, sex that shouldn’t have been had with people and just not doing myself justice in the end. I was really unsatisfied with some of my “conquests”.
I think we all need to get back to realizing that it is something special that we share with someone special. That’s what makes it so good.
By Baby Girl on Feb 22, 2008
I forgot - HOT picture!
By Baby Girl on Feb 22, 2008
too each his (her) own… regardless of whatever, i salute you for sticking to your guns…
Red
By fluent on Feb 23, 2008
It has been seven years for me — And I don’t miss it. I didn’t chose to be celibate, it just happened that way. After years of failed relationships, I just said, “F*** It!,” and focused on getting the paper. Making money brings me true happiness now.
Your post is very enlightening and heartfelt. But don’t be discouraged, one day you will find your true love.
By Trent on Feb 24, 2008
I am clapping and now taking a bow. I commend you for your strength and willingness to share. This is something many a woman has considered, your thought process behind it is just what so many needed to hear.
thank you!
By Rae on Feb 24, 2008
Hi Angelique I am totally vibing with you on this blog.
I currently am the big C and have been for a while now since I broke up with my ex and that’s been about 3+ yrs now and I feel more sexy, beautiful, alive, vivrant and refreshed than ever. I believe that everytime you give it up to the wrong person casually or otherwise energy is transferred somehow and depending on the type of relationship you have with the other person the end results vary for different people regardless of how good it was.
The aftermath is what’s goin get you…..it may leave you feeling like you just had a very bad trip or kinda numb where you think you’re in control but not really cause it’s like a slow type of death where you aren’t sucked in initially but over time this energy feeds on your spirit and soul destroying your very being. I don’t want someone who doesn’t deserve any part of me walking away with a precious piece of my soul .
I look at it like this, with the life expectancy the way it is I am looking at a good nother 65 years with someone if I find someone this year, now that’s a long time (which with the right person will be bliss) so I’m not even worried. Right now I’m all about me and raising my spiritual being to a whole ‘nother level. You wouldn’t believe how high the spirit can transcend when put in the right situations.
I am so feeling you with this blog…my goodies are not ever going to be wasted on swine no mo… “My friends say my standards are ultra extra out of this world high” but hey what can I say I’m special ain’t just any ole body running up in here ever again.
By Olivia on Feb 28, 2008
WOW, everyones comments are so inspiring and REAL. I commend you for your journey. I know being the the BIG C is sooo hard, cause SEX is to some people a way to identify self. I like must have experienced some CRAZY UN-EVENTFUL, UN-FULFILLING moments of why the hell did I just do that, kinda sex and swore I’d never do it again…only to bump my head and fall on the penis all over again to wonder what the HELL…..STOP! The MADNESS. YOU and the rest of your Fans have inspired me to join the ban wagon. I am just wondering what date to start my journey. Should it be the 4th of July?
By Sunshinettm on Mar 5, 2008
Great post Lique. You laid it down real flat like. Thank you for your humor and honesty.
By Big Deezie on Mar 11, 2008
This is definitely inspiring. Its been something I’ve felt I needed to do for some time. Temptation is a mugggg tho girl. And after endless connections and disconnections. I know this is something I gotta do. Pray for me girl!
By Lish on Mar 20, 2008
i love u for being u! keep it gully mama!
By isis on Apr 14, 2008
I love this and you are fabulous for fighting this fight… I’m in it too… got your link from TheComebackGirl’s cite. Heck, we have a whole Celibacy Club over there… we try to keep eachother strong.
By Nicki Sunshine on Oct 23, 2008