Archive for the ‘Poetic Justice & Creative Exercises’ Category

tick tock . . .

Posted by Saucy Dame Dizzle on

July 30, 2003

dang

for the love of puppies and bunnies and all things innocent - can i get a date?

and no, i’m not talkin’ about making it a “blockbuster nite” and i can hardly watch the movie
cuz
a negro is breathing down my neck and trying to screw me on the sofa
and
his clothes smell like reefer and cologne
and
i’m 2 seconds away from saying

um . . .don’t be trying to fall asleep over herre . . .

will you please leave so i can masturbate and sprawl out?

this is so fuckin’ boring type date

nope

i’m talking about scooping me up at around 7-ish
cuz
we have plans for the evening
and
it’s filled with easy conversation and gut busting laughter
and
i aint even thinking about how early i have to go to work tomorrow
or
did i leave a load of laundry in the washer?
cuz
at this point the daily humdrum is irrelevant
and

electric currents are racing through my body
cuz
his eyes are speaking to me in volumes
and
he don’t know that tonite, i may inadvertently decide to deliberately

unladylike

and that’s good news for ~~him~~ us.

so, i’m breaking him off with leather and lace
cuz
he knows what to do wit it.

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There Will Be None of That!

Posted by Saucy Dame Dizzle on

July 29, 2003

July 25,2003

Dear Ms. Angelique We missed you at your scheduled appointment with us on July 17th, 2003. We hope there is nothing seriously wrong. We do request that patients provide us with a notice of at least 48 hours if unable to make a reserved appoinment time. This gives us a chance to serve another patient. Since we were not informed, there is a $25.00 charge. Please call the office to schedule another appointment. We are interested in achieving an excellent prognosis with your dental treatment and any delay may lead to problems with a poorer prognosis. Sincerely,

Lori Prairie Dental Group
- - - - -
Okay, this is some bullshyt. I’m not trying to read this type of mail when I come home from work. “We hope there is nothing seriously wrong”, yeah right, like Prairie Dental really gives a gotdamn about my well being. Sounds more like sarcasm to me. “We hope there is nothing seriously wrong”, the only thing wrong is that these bloodsuckers want $25.OO from a chick like me! I don’t believe in paying for services that are not rendered.

I think it’s a crime what doctors and dentists charge these days. Insurance rates are out of control. Not only do I have a deductible, I have nice lil’ a co-pay as well. I’m getting juiced for my dividends so some prick can scrap my gums and x-ray my teeth every six months. And the whole time the dental hygienist has her rubber fingers in my mouth, she’s hitting me up with a sales pitch.

“Your teeth look great Angelique. I think you would really enjoy our Sonic Care toothbrush. It’s faster, easier to use, and combines 41,000 sonic strokes per minute with patented Cyberspring bristles to take oral care to a higher power. I have one at home and love it. It’s sort of on the pricey side, but it’s well worth it. I recommend one for your son as well. Sometimes children have a habit of brushing too hard. We also have Crest Whitening Strips if you are interested. “

Yeah, exaaaaaaactly, it’s sorta on the overpriced side: $100.00 + tax. I bet it cost Sonic Care $1.00 to make those joints somewhere in Timbuktu. As I type this post, some poor, enslaved child is assembling Sonic Care toothbrushes for pennies a day. Yeah, I think I’ll just keep using the OralB I bought at Target and hope for the best.

Prairie Dental should charged $25.00 for soliciting me to buy products every damn time I step - up - in - the place! This is one of the reasons I decided not to go back. I want a dentist that has more of a personable feel. At Prairie Dental I felt like I’m a number, not a patient.

So in conclusion, the “prognosis” is: Prairie Dental will get hit off with my hard earned $25.00 when the honorable Louis Farrakhan eats hog maws and chitterlings with George W. Bush during Rosh Hashanah! Until then Prairie Dental and their extra perky - extra phony - overpriced toothbrush peddling - hygienist as can kiss my gap toothed azz. I’m am so serious.

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Sullen Girl

Posted by Saucy Dame Dizzle on

July 23, 2003

Fiona Apple is the perfect songstress to listen too when I have PMS. Yes - I like me some Fiona Apple She’s a is bit on the instense side though. Any Fiona fans out there?

“I was staring at the sky
Just looking for a star
To pray on, or wish on
Or something like that

I was having a sweet fix
Of a daydream of a boy
Whose reality I knew
Was a hopeless to be had

But then the dove of hope began its downward slope
And I believed for a moment that my chances were
Approaching to be grabbed
But as it came down near, so did a weary tear
I thought it was a bird, but it was just a paper bag . . .”

- Fiona Apple, “Paper Bag”

Damn - I can relate!

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Hang Loose

Posted by Saucy Dame Dizzle on

July 17, 2003

Lemme tell ya’ll a lil sum sumthin’ . . .
Yesterday, my greatest pleasure was coming home, taking off my underwire bra and laying up under the air conditioner. Underwire bras are evil and they need to be destroyed! Unfortunately, an underwire bra is the only thing that gives my exhausted, 30 year old breasts the boost that they need. When gravity takes over, it is the underwire bra that is there to the rescue. But it is definitely a love/hate relationship.

Lemme tell ya’ll a lil sum sumthin’ . . .
Please don’t make the make the mistake of buying a cheaply made bra or continue to wear a bra that has “bite the dust”. This is not to say finding a bra to suit your budget is wrong. But I suggest that you choose quality over appearance or quantity. Pick a bra, like you pick your fruit. Cuz, what may happen is the resentful wire holding up your breast will decide it no longer wants to support you. Yes, the underwire has taken on a life of it’s own and is plotting against you. It then prepares to launch what I call an “Underwire Coup”. Determined to upset the relationship between you and your bra, it finds a way to infiltrate the boundaries of your bras fabric. Inch by inch it works itself half way out of it’s shell and before you can say “good googlymoogly” a rebellious underwire is attacking your underarm. Stabbing discomfort is all you will know as the underwire relentlessly jabs your side. Stick and move - stick and move - the underwire is expert at irritating the hell out of you.

Lemme tell ya’ll a lil sum sumthin’ . . .
Sometimes a sister needs to hang on to her dysfunctional underwire bra. Although the underwire has gone astray, there is still one good wire left. In an effort to hang onto of my favorite bras, I removed the wire that was tearing into my delicate flesh. However, due to the fact that I now had one titty posted up as it should be and the other hanging at half mass, I had to turn the bra loose. Lopsided breasts are not attractive to anyone, unless perhaps you have a cockeyed lover who has one eyeball leaning to the side. He won’t notice the difference.

Lemme tell ya’ll a lil sum sumthin’ . . .
In case you didn’t know lingerie is expensive. A decent matching bra and panty set is going to cost you much more than it should. If you want to rotate a fresh set of drawers on at least a 7-day schedule. (And I hope you do) Be ready to drop down a pretty penny. I think the fashion industry has lost their damn minds for what they are asking for a bra and panty set these days! Good luck trying to find a matching set on SALE. You find a great bra, but they don’t have the panties in your size. You find the perfect panties but the only matching bra left is a 29AA cup. I was in the store a few months ago sweating like a hebrew slave over the SALE rack. What do you brothers know about that? When is the last time you picked through a sales rack for some affordable - quality - drawls?

Lemme tell ya’ll a lil sum sumthin’ . . .
I shouldn’t be too much concerned about beautiful undergarments and matching sets these days. I’m the only one who sees my “drawls”. As long as they are clean and unsoiled I’m good to go. I could be walking around in some plaid, bleach stained bloomers and a bra that has Christmas Trees on it and it wouldn’t make a bit of difference. Nobody is going to know what lies beneath my freshly pressed, well put together, ensembles. Ha! It’s true. Now I’m over here thinking about some holy (not divine but raggedy) tights I wear in the winter time. *laughing*

Lemme tell ya’ll a lil sum sumthin’ . . .
Tights aint cheap! At least not the kind I like to wear . . .

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May President Bush Choke On A Hot Dog

Posted by Saucy Dame Dizzle on

July 3, 2003

*Enters Angelique - standing on her soap box - clearing her throat into the microphone*

My Peoples,
Tomorrow is so called “Independence Day”. Yes, I will take my son to see fireworks. Yes, I will enjoy B-B-Q and the company of family and friends. Yes indeed I will be happy as hell that I have a day off from the JOB. But it won’t have much to do about some British Christian rebels defeating their pillow biting - rotted teeth oppressors.

And I’m not even going to get started on how my Native American people were robbed of their land an spiritual beliefs. And how I could never go to Ellis Island and look up my ancestors names, due to the fact they didn’t come America by choice. None of my people were even allowed the courtesy of being an “Indentured Slave”. I’m not going to start flowing on that because we already know the deal.

However - I will hit you off with a classic.

THE REVOLUTION WILL NOT BE TELEVISED

You will not be able to stay home, brother.
You will not be able to plug in, turn on and drop out.
You will not be able to lose yourself on skag and skip,
Skip out for beer during commercials,
Because the revolution will not be televised.